How Far Is Yonder? Reflections of a Displaced Yankee

North Carolina has been my home of choice for the last ten years. There are many things I love about the south in general and North Carolina, in particular: the warm balmy weather, the sound of the cicadas in the trees in the evenings, the beaches, the mountains, the friendliness and politeness of the people, including the many I am honored to call my new friends here in this place (that some days seems to be farther from my home state of New York than the seven hundred miles that are clocked on my odometer when I travel north). So what I am about to say I say with good intentions. What is the deal with the drivers here? Each day when I travel to work on the interstate or local roads, I am continually amazed by the way these folks drive. No one seems to know the location of the little handle that regulates the turn signals. They seem to practice something that I like to refer to as the “North Carolina drift” when moving from one lane to another, often for no particular reason. If they do suddenly remember how to use the turn signal, they use it for only the split second before they pull into the lane in front of you with only inches to spare. These same people who felt the compulsion to get in front of you at all costs then settle into what everyone else on earth uses as a passing lane, only these sweet southern folks like to use it as a “cruise at less than the speed limit” lane and make everyone else go around them. A few miles up the road they will then make a mad dash from the far left lane, across three lanes of traffic, to the exit. Now this can’t always be a last minute impulse. I’ll bet the same commuters travel the same highways and get off at the same exits every day. You’d think that would eliminate the element of surprise. Did it not occur to them that they should have been in the right lane if they were planning on exiting? On my way from here to there, I have seen folks in the passing lane applying make-up, eating a meal, reading a book – I even saw a man shaving – and of course, let’s not forget about the cell phones. Now bear in mind that many of these folks can’t walk and chew gum at the same time, but they believe they can drive, eat breakfast and talk on their cell phone at the same time. Just last week a man was driving in the passing lane on I-40 at 50 mph. When I passed him in the right lane, I saw that he was talking on two cell phones at the same time – one in each hand. I have no idea how he was steering his truck. I realize that the transplanted northerners have a tough time with the slower pace here, but after a drive on the interstate we’re ready to be committed to a sanitarium. Let’s face it folks – the interstate is the way most of us get to work and we do have a deadline for that endeavor. It is not a Sunday drive in the country. I, for one, like to get there as quickly as possible, with as little aggravation as possible. Work is stressful enough – let’s not make a career out of getting to where we have to be each day. While we’re on the subject of the interstate, can anyone explain how to merge into oncoming traffic to the good drivers of NC? You drive down the ramp and try to meld into the oncoming traffic either by driving a little faster than they are or pacing yourself until an opening occurs. You do not stop and sit there until someone is nice enough to let you in, because you’ll be there all day. People here do not automatically move over when they see cars trying to merge – it’s the only time they love being in the right lane! And if it happens to be raining or heaven forbid, snowing…as we like to say “fogetaboutit”. Traffic slows to a crawl with hazard lights flashing like a crazy fourth of July celebration. By the time I reach my destination, I’m stressed and frazzled and my day hasn’t even begun. No wonder folks here are so fond of saying “Y’all have a great day, ya ’hear?” You need all those good wishes to cancel out the bad mojo of driving the highways and byways with the good people of North Carolina and all their quirky habits. Bless their hearts….