The Office

I work in a funny office. Some days it's funny because some of the people who work here are funny and sometimes it's just peculiar funny. Ten years ago, I came to work here as a middle aged, newly divorced woman who was starting over. I was in a strange new place that was so different from upstate NY that I might as well have been on the moon. I lacked confidence and faith, both in myself and others. What I did have, however, was a great work ethic, energy and a urge to please. So I tucked my "never,never,ever give up" mantra under my arm and started out on the adventure that was to become my life. I found myself among polite, friendly and caring people - which is to say they were not from the north. In fact, I was the only Yankee among them. I suppose I will never know if they "liked me...really truly liked me" at that time. They would never admit it. These are people who have been bred to be cordial. There were no tantrums or ugly words - no need for anger management classes here because anger didn't seem to exist here. I was greeted with a friendly hello by most people I encountered. People would stop in traffic and let me in. I was welcomed by my neighbors with offers to help with anything I needed. I thought I was in heaven! Unless you come from the north - and specifically NY - you can't really appreciate how nice it is to have strangers be kind to you. We pretty much stick to ourselves in the north. You can sit at a merge lane and feel yourself grow old as you wait for a break in the traffic. Pull out and horns blare. No one asks how you are because no one cares. Life is about multitasking for optimum performance. Now I feel as if I live eternally on the set of Steel Magnolias. I get my hair cut and listen to the sweet parlance of the south. There are stories, just the tiniest bit of gossip and more stories. At work I listen to the lilting conversations around me, sprinkled with "bless her heart" (which is to mean that the person in question is so dumb that she can't even dress herself) and "it's cold enough to kill hogs in here" (which means that the ambient temperature must have dipped below 60). I have learned that "God don't like ugly". That is not to say that I haven't had some problems assimilating. I have...yes I have. I have finally just developed the knack of inquiring about the health and family of someone I am calling for a business conversation first, instead of just telling them what I need from the get go. I'm told I have a 'tone' when displeased. I've been warned about terse emails, doors that close a little too loudly and counting to 100 before I speak when I'm irritated. I take all these suggestions to heart because I know it is a better way to behave, but Lord it is not something that I come by naturally. I feel I can defend my actions by saying "at least I didn't slap her" but I don't. Every day is a new lesson learned and one more step toward civility for me. And I feel I am all the better for it. But every once in awhile the need to pull someone's hair creeps in and it takes all my resolve to restrain myself. But I walk away. And that, my friends, is progress.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to all! May the sorrows and troubles of 2009 never be revisited and may the promise and hope of 2010 become a reality. After having just gone through a tough year myself and watching the struggles of others, I am more than happy to bid farewell to 2009. Let the new year be one of new beginnings, prosperity and happiness for all (or as close to that ideal as I can get). As I look back, I can't help but think of what I am most thankful for. First and foremost, family. Whether near to me or far, they are all close to my heart. I have embraced technology this new year, when my daughter and I were given the gift of the "web cam". Now my grandchildren are no longer 700 miles away, but right there on the computer screen - greeting me with their smiling faces, singing songs, telling jokes, doing a little dance. I can see them and hear them and it eases the pain that is always in my heart from missing them. I can listen to the knock-knock jokes forever and with the push of a button (and some prior arrangements with their dear parents)there they are. My day immediately gets better. Watching the amazement on their faces because they can actually see their Grandma and Aunt is something I will never forget. It helps me put things in perspective. The problems become smaller and easy to deal with. I remember that I am also blessed with many good friends, with a home that I love in a place I have chosen to live. I have a great daughter who is also a good friend living nearby and ready to share the good and bad with me. I have a good job and work with good people. I can spend my days and nights being creative and challenged. I have my strength and my health and my dogs who love me without question. Everything else just fades into the background. I hope I end this new year as I have begun...mindful of others, always choosing the right path and cautiously optimistic. It doesn't get any better than that.

How Far Is Yonder? Reflections of a Displaced Yankee

North Carolina has been my home of choice for the last ten years. There are many things I love about the south in general and North Carolina, in particular: the warm balmy weather, the sound of the cicadas in the trees in the evenings, the beaches, the mountains, the friendliness and politeness of the people, including the many I am honored to call my new friends here in this place (that some days seems to be farther from my home state of New York than the seven hundred miles that are clocked on my odometer when I travel north). So what I am about to say I say with good intentions. What is the deal with the drivers here? Each day when I travel to work on the interstate or local roads, I am continually amazed by the way these folks drive. No one seems to know the location of the little handle that regulates the turn signals. They seem to practice something that I like to refer to as the “North Carolina drift” when moving from one lane to another, often for no particular reason. If they do suddenly remember how to use the turn signal, they use it for only the split second before they pull into the lane in front of you with only inches to spare. These same people who felt the compulsion to get in front of you at all costs then settle into what everyone else on earth uses as a passing lane, only these sweet southern folks like to use it as a “cruise at less than the speed limit” lane and make everyone else go around them. A few miles up the road they will then make a mad dash from the far left lane, across three lanes of traffic, to the exit. Now this can’t always be a last minute impulse. I’ll bet the same commuters travel the same highways and get off at the same exits every day. You’d think that would eliminate the element of surprise. Did it not occur to them that they should have been in the right lane if they were planning on exiting? On my way from here to there, I have seen folks in the passing lane applying make-up, eating a meal, reading a book – I even saw a man shaving – and of course, let’s not forget about the cell phones. Now bear in mind that many of these folks can’t walk and chew gum at the same time, but they believe they can drive, eat breakfast and talk on their cell phone at the same time. Just last week a man was driving in the passing lane on I-40 at 50 mph. When I passed him in the right lane, I saw that he was talking on two cell phones at the same time – one in each hand. I have no idea how he was steering his truck. I realize that the transplanted northerners have a tough time with the slower pace here, but after a drive on the interstate we’re ready to be committed to a sanitarium. Let’s face it folks – the interstate is the way most of us get to work and we do have a deadline for that endeavor. It is not a Sunday drive in the country. I, for one, like to get there as quickly as possible, with as little aggravation as possible. Work is stressful enough – let’s not make a career out of getting to where we have to be each day. While we’re on the subject of the interstate, can anyone explain how to merge into oncoming traffic to the good drivers of NC? You drive down the ramp and try to meld into the oncoming traffic either by driving a little faster than they are or pacing yourself until an opening occurs. You do not stop and sit there until someone is nice enough to let you in, because you’ll be there all day. People here do not automatically move over when they see cars trying to merge – it’s the only time they love being in the right lane! And if it happens to be raining or heaven forbid, snowing…as we like to say “fogetaboutit”. Traffic slows to a crawl with hazard lights flashing like a crazy fourth of July celebration. By the time I reach my destination, I’m stressed and frazzled and my day hasn’t even begun. No wonder folks here are so fond of saying “Y’all have a great day, ya ’hear?” You need all those good wishes to cancel out the bad mojo of driving the highways and byways with the good people of North Carolina and all their quirky habits. Bless their hearts….